If you've ever dreamed of packing up your cubicle and leaving the 9 to 5 grind in favor of a life of creativity, this book can be your guide!

In these pages, you will learn how to find ideas, pitch your ideas to editors, find markets, expand your writing horizons, format your work, conduct interviews, invoice, and more!

This workbook, filled with writing exercises meant to charge your creativity and help you practice for the freelancer's market, will help you sell your work!

While you must beware of being overly grand and shouting your ideas into the editor's ears, writing query letters that apologize for their very existence are just as much of a disservice to you. There is no need to begin the letter with a mousy greeting like, "I am an aspiring writer, and I'd appreciate it if you'd take the time to read my letter and see if you think I might be a good candidate for your magazine." Similarly, there is no need to end the letter with "May I write this article for you?" or "I hope you'll hire me."

Beware of mouse language: "I think," "I might," "I hope," "aspiring," "can I," and "may I" are all mouse terms. You're offering a product: your article. Your only function here is to present your product in a desirable light and see if the buyer needs your product right now. The letter should leave the impression that you are not desperate to sell this piece to this market.

I am often amazed at the lack of self-confidence demonstrated in queries that are sent my way. Here's an example of a query I received today (identifying information changed):

I'm a newspaper reporter (Idaho Daily) and an aspiring fiction writer. Of course, I have a big stack o' rejection slips from various fiction mags. And that's not even counting the magazines that never even bothered to send me a rejection letter.

However, I do have several years journalism experience. I've also freelanced video reviews to the Video Review Magazine. I have a journalism degree from BlahBlah University.

Basically, I'd love to write movie reviews for your website. Let me know.

Thanks for your time.

Sincerely,
Writer

What did this letter tell me? That this guy had been rejected all over the place. Why in the world would he announce that to me? Did he want me to hire him out of pity? Forget it. I want the Best of the Best on my staff. I don't want to use writers who can't find work. Sure, he may be a terrific writer who's either (a) very unlucky, or (b) just bad at writing queries, but I don't have the time to waste in finding out.

He just sent me a three paragraph letter, and of that whole letter, only one sentence told me what he wanted to write. ("Basically, I'd love to write movie reviews for your website.") Why did I wade through his credits (or lack thereof) and education before he even mentioned what he wanted to do for me? I don't care about credits until AFTER I've seen the pitch. If the pitch stinks, I don't need to bother reading any further. It doesn't matter to me if the writer holds a Pulitzer Prize if his idea doesn't fit my publication.

Get to the nitty-gritty first. Don't waste your time with introductions. There's no need to start by typing, "I'm writing to propose a story idea for your magazine." Just begin with the hook of your story. Intrigue me from the first sentence, and I'll keep reading. Save the details of what you're proposing and where it might fit for the end of the letter.

Here's another query falling in the "don't do this" category:

Dear Jenna,

I'm a freelance music critic for the Such and Such Newspaper, and I've written a number of essays on the critic's life.

Before you start snoring, I want to assure you that they are funny and informative. At least that's what my mom tells me.

Would you be interested in looking at one?

Thanks,
Writer

First, the pet peeve: this writer doesn't know me. Why did he use my first name? I realize that my site is (intentionally) friendly, and I probably come across as a nice, informal gal. But when you're asking an editor to look at your work, show respect. You can use first names after you get the assignment. It won't make or break my decision on this query, of course, but it is an annoyance.

Here's the query's larger problem, however: I wasn't snoring. Why would I be? His topic is perfect for my website. Of course I'd be interested in hearing about the life of a critic. However, when he says, "Before you start snoring," I think three things:

1. Wait. Should I be snoring? Is this a boring topic? Will my readers be bored by it?

2. If HE thought his hook was boring, why did he send it to me? Why didn't he rewrite it until he was sure it was going to sound fascinating?

3. How in the world does he plan to convey enough enthusiasm in the essay to warrant a reader's enthusiasm if he thinks the topic sounds boring?

I've read many queries and submissions with some variation of "before you start snoring." One of my columnists began his first submission with, "What a change. To think someone will actually be reading my writing!" I asked him to ax that. Why? Because immediately, that makes the reader skeptical. It makes the reader think, "Well, if no one else wants to read what this guy has to say, why should I?" We wonder what's wrong with the writer, and why he can't get read elsewhere.

What a great disservice to do to your work!

If you're about to send out a query or a submission, you'd better be very confident that it's a great representation of your best work. And, if that's the case, why would you package it in a tone of self-deprecation?

I know. Writers are a neurotic breed. We alternate between thinking we're brilliant and thinking we're washed up hacks who don't deserve to waste any ink on our pathetic words. For the purpose of the query, however, leave your ego out of it altogether. It's not about you. It's about your story.

By all means, convey your passion about a topic. But don't bother telling us your idea is great, unique, Earth-shattering, boring, or anywhere in between. Let the editor decide that on her own. Your job is to make her believe your idea is fascinating and relevant WITHOUT ever telling her it's fantastic and relevant. Do this by letting whatever it is about the topic that interests YOU come through clearly in your letter. Try this:

You're planning on querying an editor of a women's magazine. You want to write a first-person essay about an event you just witnessed. You watched a child shoplifting, and you noticed her mother wasn't watching. You alerted the mother as they exited the store. The mother scolded the child, but she didn't bring back the merchandise.

Which of these sentences could belong in your query, and which ones should you omit? Cross out the sentences that don't belong here.

--1. "The child fingered the lip gloss, then slid it into her back pocket as her mother spoke to a saleslady nearby."

--2. "In a 1999 study, the American Youth Association discovered that 40% of children under the age of 17 have shoplifted at least once."

--3. "I'm sure this is the kind of thing that happens every day, but I thought it was pretty interesting."

--4. "As I watched the mother leave the store, I realized no lesson had been imparted. She didn't make the child bring back the lipstick."

--5. "In case your magazine runs stories about parenting, I think this would be an excellent fit."

--6. "I've worked as a day care attendant, and I've witnessed many ways that children sneak away with things that don't belong to them."

--7. "I can offer tips for parents who want to teach their children why shoplifting is wrong."

--8. "Although I haven't been published before, I have two kids, and I know a lot about how difficult it can be to watch every move they make."

--9. "A lot of kids shoplift, so this information will be useful to parents everywhere."

--10. "I plan to interview reputed child psychologist Jan Smith, author of How To Get Your Kids To Listen, and Joe Brown from 'Town Business,' an authority on how shoplifting affects businesses and paying customers."

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For the answers to this and all of your other burning questions about freelance writing, order "The More Than Any Human Being Needs To Know About Freelance Writing Workbook" by Jenna Glatzer now!

Jenna Glatzer is a full-time writer with hundreds of national and online credits, recently including Woman's World, Writer's Digest, and Salon.com. She is the author of three upcoming children's books: Exploration of the Moon and Native American Festivals and Ceremonies (Mason Crest Publishers, spring, 2002), and Taking Down Syndrome to School (JayJo Books, spring, 2002) and two adult nonfiction books: Conquering Panic and Anxiety Disorders (Hunter House, fall, 2002) and Internet Freebies (Publications International, winter, 2003). She is also the author of bestselling e-book The More Than Any Human Being Needs To Know About Freelance Writing Workbook.

Her essays appear in several anthologies, recently including A Cup of Comfort (Adams Media) and Love Letters of a Lifetime (Hyperion/Lifetime TV). She is an optioned screenwriter, produced playwright, and author of many greeting cards and slogans for doormats, aprons, t-shirts, magnets, buttons, and bumper stickers for companies such as Northern Cards, the James Lawrence Company, Ephemera, Paradise Greetings, and High Cotton.

She is the Editor-in-Chief of Absolute Write (www.absolutewrite.com), a comprehensive website for writers. She teaches a "Query Letter Clinic" through Absolute Write University (www.absolutewrite.com/courses). An honors graduate of Boston University's College of Communications, she lives in New York with her favorite musician and her favorite cat.